The past week has been a bit difficult. It started off OK I guess, but towards the end of the week I've been feeling a bit down. I have a lot of feelings about it and I'm not sure what to write here in the most appropriate way. Things at home haven't been very good this week, though they are up and down, today is an up day; it has been a mostly good day.
Since last Wednesday (02/12) my asthma has exacerbated but not acute enough to warrant admission. A practical in Chemistry with some chemicals which gave off strong fumes set me off a bit. Nights have got bad again and I was on hourly nebs for a couple of nights and 2 hourly nebs during the day, it has improved and neb usage is decreasing but I'm doubting myself in knowing when I need to neb and when I don't. I was starting to get better yesterday and for whatever reason put off a neb in the evening for 2 hours and kept using my inhaler anyway eventually I decided to give in and have a neb but I needed 3 back to back to sort myself out and I felt so stupid. I am beginning to feel a bit vulnerable again with my asthma, I was having a good patch where my asthma wasn't being too bad like yes still nebbing but like 6 hourly with inhaler in between or a neb when I need it etc but not affecting me as much as usual. On Thursday (03/12) I had a mini attack at college, I felt kind of like I was going to not sure how to describe it but it felt like I was maybe going to fall over as soon as the cold air in the reception area (this is near the room I go to neb) hit my chest when I came out the lift, but it was OK I had some nebs and got better but the college staff were asking whether I needed to go to hospital but I knew I didn't and it was nearly home time anyway. I don't want to sound so dramatic but I'm not sure of what other way to describe it. On Friday (04/12) afternoon I had another attack while in a supermarket I wasn't feeling great and I knew needed to go home to have a neb but I had a reaction to something and I started to feel quite bad which meant I had to go home immediately in a taxi, but again nebs helped luckily. I can look on it in a way as a positive thing that I am getting a bit better in a way at recognising when I'm about to have an attack but I also umm feel quite silly too when things are bad and I don't pick up on it.I'm thinking about it too much I think.
I am going back on what I said before, I am feeling quite daunted by all the revision I need to do, I feel scared about the exams in January, I am expecting a lot from myself and other people expect me to do well. I got another 88% on a Sociology essay but this doesn't make me feel any more relaxed as there is a lot of content to revise, I am stressed about Human Biology because we still haven't studied all we need to know for the exam and the teacher is beginning to go through it all a bit too fast, I am worried about the maths and recall in Chemistry, I did feel a bit reassured when I did some practice exam questions that I did know *some things* but I am back to feeling very apprehensive. I am not ready for January. December is going to go very fast.
I have some lovely friends who support me and try to make me feel more positive about things but I struggle to tell them some things, I find these things difficult to explain, there is no point discussing these things when it achieves nothing and there is nothing they can do and I don't want them to feel bad. I feel like this sometimes and recognise it is just a phase, it will pass and hopefully my next update will be more positive.
Monday, 7 December 2009
Sunday, 29 November 2009
college :)
I have started revising for January exams now, there is only about 6 weeks left now so I think they are going to be very busy with cramming everything I have learnt since September until now so that is about 3 months worth of work to be crammed in 6 weeks. That sounds quite daunting. But I’m going to try and not let it faze me too much and revise it all properly.
I had quite a good week at college, we have finally moved away from the cell biology and onto things that actually do seem more like Human Biology, we did a dissection of sheep’s heart, played around with stethoscopes listening to each other’s hearts beating and did each other’s blood pressure readings but mine was high because everyone kept trying to me laugh and you’re not meant to laugh. Oops.
In Chemistry we did several practicals which were a nice break from the theory lessons from the past few weeks. I strongly suspect some of my classmates are pyromaniacs as they seem to enjoy burning stuff as well exploding stuff they shouldn't be!
I have a bit of homework to do tonight and I need to write some paragraphs for Asthma Magazine which I still haven’t done 2 weeks later eek.
Asthma has been playing up a bit this week especially at night and in the morning, but it’s nothing major so I just need to have nebs more often I think.
So this is quite a short update I think compared to some previous entries. :)
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Just some thoughts :)
On Tuesday we got results from this IQ test thing based on GCSEs and an aptitude test, no one was predicted above a C, I was predicted DDD on average. So yeah it was disappointing, especially as when I did my GCSEs I was in and out of hospital and was in High Dependency Unit for some of my exams. So while I could understand that. my tutor's comment upset me a little bit, she said anyone who is predicted Ds from that test is very unlikely if at all to go on to get As and she essentially said there wasn't any point me pursuing Medicine as a career based on that test. Since September, I have done consistently well in Sociology (working at an A grade), Human Biology (working at an A/B grade) and Chemistry is going better than I thought it would be going but haven't been formally marked on it yet. So her saying this has made me feel like why are you saying this when you know I am doing OK studies wise? Should I give up on something I am so determined to do? Am I wasting my time? It makes me a little angry too as she obviously doesn't realise how determined I am to be a doctor. I am a bit worried to be posting this and then finding her to be right because it will be a ' I told you so' kind of thing but I feel I need to get it off my chest.
I am actually starting to understand the cell biology stuff in Human Biology, so hopefully if I keep working at it I will be fine. I am still finding Sociology a bit boring but I like the lesson debates. We are doing a lot of theory work in Chemistry at the moment which is fine but gets a little confusing sometimes cos there is a lot of overlap. I need to begin revising everything now.
My exams all fall in my birthday week including one on my birthday!
Tuesday 12th January 2010- Human Biology
Thursday 14th January 2010- Chemistry
Friday 15th January 2010- Sociology (My birthday!)
So I have about 7 weeks of revision time, which I don't think is very long and I am annoyed I haven't started exam revision earlier.
I am doing OK asthma-wise this week apart from nights being a bit worse than usual, but thats the way it goes!
I have so much to do over the next couple of weeks, I've arranged to meet up with friends several times some of whom have returned home from uni, I need to of course revise, I agreed to write a few paragraphs about the asthma conference for Asthma Magazine which I need to do ASAP, buy christmas presents and write cards umm what else?...
My friend said something today which made me think, why do we focus so much on the negative things? We are only given so much in life that we can personally cope with, why can't we focus on what we can do and not on what we can't do? It feels very defeatist. Our illnesses and difficulties in life don't make us who we are, it is how we deal with them. I have some amazing friends who try so hard not to let asthma (of any severity) and other conditions get in the way of their lives, they inspire me to just get on with things and to power through. We only have this life why don't we live it to the full?
take care, simi x
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Blog Update
So its been 2 weeks since I updated my blog, its been a mixed 2 weeks.
I went to see my consultant last week and I also did an Exercise Tolerance Test. I hadn't been told I had to have the Exercise Tolerance Test until the day before my appointment and I didn't appreciate it as I had no idea what it would involve, especially as when I turned up I found out it would involve taking capillary blood gases from my ear and I am very afraid of pain and needles. I was having the Exercise Tolerance Test to see how much my oxygen levels desaturated during exercise. I had a pulse oximeter placed on one of my ears and I had capillary blood gases taken from my other ear at different stages of the study as well spirometry before and after the test. I was having a good day asthma-wise so the test went well, I didn't desaturate oxygen levels much. :)
I went to my appointment afterwards, my consultant as I mentioned a few posts back was changed after my previous one was due to retire; he disagrees with my previous consultant about subcut, he feels it doesn't work for anyone and therefore in at least my case its not really an option, I don't really have an opinion on this either way, I'm glad in a way that I won't be going on it due to my needle phobia.
After looking through some of my notes and looking at tests I have had, he now thinks I have Anaphylaxis in addition to Asthma (and Eczema). As Xolair although theoretically should be suitable for me isn't an option due to my IgE level being far too out of range, he is are now considering Cyclosporin which is an Immunosuppresant drug. I'm not comfortable with the idea of this but I will think it through properly. He also thinks I need to take Vitamin supplements due to multiple food allergies resulting from Salicylate Sensitivity, Oral Allergy Syndrome and Latex Fruits allergy and I should therefore avoid most fruits and vegetables. This feels quite extreme. Because of this and the conclusion reached for some time that my asthma seems to have a fairly strong allergy component I will also be going to an Allergy Clinic too, this is so than a diet can be made up to suit my allergies with the allergy dietician and see what allergies can be worked on with the allergists.
So yeah I think that is pretty much all that has happened, I've probably forgot something because quite a bit happened.
College isn't going so well at the moment, I am beginning to struggle with Human Biology as I find Cell Biology difficult to grasp and I am struggling with some concepts and calculations in Chemistry. I am finding Sociology to be a bit boring but on a positive note I did get 88% on my first essay which is like an A which I was pleased and surprised about. :)
I went to another Asthma UK Youth Forum meeting (14/11) it was good but it was raining a lot! It was a shame that it was a smaller meeting than usual but never mind hopefully our next meeting in January will be bigger :)
Christmas is coming soon and I really can't wait :D I love Christmas not like for the presents (which are of course nice!) but I just love the festive atmosphere..
So I think I've nearly finished my ramble which I was going to post on Sunday but was too tired to post hehe.
Thought of the day - Live life to the full.
take care x
I went to see my consultant last week and I also did an Exercise Tolerance Test. I hadn't been told I had to have the Exercise Tolerance Test until the day before my appointment and I didn't appreciate it as I had no idea what it would involve, especially as when I turned up I found out it would involve taking capillary blood gases from my ear and I am very afraid of pain and needles. I was having the Exercise Tolerance Test to see how much my oxygen levels desaturated during exercise. I had a pulse oximeter placed on one of my ears and I had capillary blood gases taken from my other ear at different stages of the study as well spirometry before and after the test. I was having a good day asthma-wise so the test went well, I didn't desaturate oxygen levels much. :)
I went to my appointment afterwards, my consultant as I mentioned a few posts back was changed after my previous one was due to retire; he disagrees with my previous consultant about subcut, he feels it doesn't work for anyone and therefore in at least my case its not really an option, I don't really have an opinion on this either way, I'm glad in a way that I won't be going on it due to my needle phobia.
After looking through some of my notes and looking at tests I have had, he now thinks I have Anaphylaxis in addition to Asthma (and Eczema). As Xolair although theoretically should be suitable for me isn't an option due to my IgE level being far too out of range, he is are now considering Cyclosporin which is an Immunosuppresant drug. I'm not comfortable with the idea of this but I will think it through properly. He also thinks I need to take Vitamin supplements due to multiple food allergies resulting from Salicylate Sensitivity, Oral Allergy Syndrome and Latex Fruits allergy and I should therefore avoid most fruits and vegetables. This feels quite extreme. Because of this and the conclusion reached for some time that my asthma seems to have a fairly strong allergy component I will also be going to an Allergy Clinic too, this is so than a diet can be made up to suit my allergies with the allergy dietician and see what allergies can be worked on with the allergists.
So yeah I think that is pretty much all that has happened, I've probably forgot something because quite a bit happened.
College isn't going so well at the moment, I am beginning to struggle with Human Biology as I find Cell Biology difficult to grasp and I am struggling with some concepts and calculations in Chemistry. I am finding Sociology to be a bit boring but on a positive note I did get 88% on my first essay which is like an A which I was pleased and surprised about. :)
I went to another Asthma UK Youth Forum meeting (14/11) it was good but it was raining a lot! It was a shame that it was a smaller meeting than usual but never mind hopefully our next meeting in January will be bigger :)
Christmas is coming soon and I really can't wait :D I love Christmas not like for the presents (which are of course nice!) but I just love the festive atmosphere..
So I think I've nearly finished my ramble which I was going to post on Sunday but was too tired to post hehe.
Thought of the day - Live life to the full.
take care x
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Half Term! :D :s :/ :)
I have been on half term this week, I go back to college tomorrow eeek! So I promised myself I would study all the way through the week.- Didn't happen. Something kept coming up or else I was too tired to get on with it. I am really disappointed with myself. So while I will have managed to get homework out of the way I feel like I haven't got wanted I wanted to out of half term. I have exams in January so I have approximately 2 months to consolidate everything I have learnt to be prepared for my exams. And of course there is Christmas in December so I will probably lose a week of revision. I'm going to have to be really firm with myself and get studying because these exams are so important.
Positives of half term have been that I have organised my college work even if I haven't managed to get college work done, caught up with some friends, spent some extra time with my mum and resting I guess. :)
There was an incident the other night, I was up around 1am talking to my friend on the phone and we have these double doors in our living room which lead directly outside into a garden area well the blinds were closed apart from a largish crack because there was there was a chair against the door well to cut the long story short; a man was staring at me, I don't know how long he was standing there for looking at me right against the glass. He made direct eye contact with me but he didn't leave I started shouting and he didn't move, I woke my mum up and as soon as he realised I wasn't alone he went. I felt quite vulnerable after this happened and couldn't get to sleep til around 5am because I was worried he would come back. It made me wonder whether it was the person who had stolen my laptop.
Simi x
Positives of half term have been that I have organised my college work even if I haven't managed to get college work done, caught up with some friends, spent some extra time with my mum and resting I guess. :)
There was an incident the other night, I was up around 1am talking to my friend on the phone and we have these double doors in our living room which lead directly outside into a garden area well the blinds were closed apart from a largish crack because there was there was a chair against the door well to cut the long story short; a man was staring at me, I don't know how long he was standing there for looking at me right against the glass. He made direct eye contact with me but he didn't leave I started shouting and he didn't move, I woke my mum up and as soon as he realised I wasn't alone he went. I felt quite vulnerable after this happened and couldn't get to sleep til around 5am because I was worried he would come back. It made me wonder whether it was the person who had stolen my laptop.
Simi x
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Stolen...
So its been a while since I last updated on my blog. It hasn't been a good month to be honest.
On October 9th my laptop was stolen along with a mobile internet dongle from my home therefore I have had no internet access. I have bought a new mobile internet dongle and using my old semi-working laptop to write this. I was absoloutely gutted as you would expect that someone could go into my home and steal my laptop which is one of the most important things to me, I use it for pretty much everything. Reported it to the police they came and took a statement and fingerprints but I don't hold much hope for it being returned. I'm going to have to buy a new laptop I think very soon.
College is going okay I guess, could be better though. I don't enjoy Sociology to be completely honest, I'm struggling with the Maths content in Chemistry but Human Biology is going alright I think. Its half term next week so I really want to try to do extra work on Chemistry to bring my maths up to scratch. I hope I manage to do this.
Last Thursday (15/10) I had another appointment at hospital with what was meant to be my current consultant for whatever reason I was seen by previous consultant. Not much happened as I was quite ill last week with a bad cold, asthma and a chest infection; my peak flow in clinic was rubbish (no spirometry this time) I was told that my Pulmicort nebs need to be increased in strength and that I should possibly have a CT scan to check for Bronchiectasis and I think he said other things like how much scarring there is in my lungs, I don't remember exact details as I wasn't feeling great. He also blamed my asthma being the way it is basically completely on my nut allergy which is a bit hmmm. Not sure what to make of that.
Yesterday, (20/10) I went to the House of Commons as part of Asthma UK Youth Forum, it was a good day :) but it did go very quickly and one of my friends was unable to make it because of uni and stupid asthma.
Umm can't think of anything else to write, I hope to update very soon next time.
Hope everyone is well.
Simi x
On October 9th my laptop was stolen along with a mobile internet dongle from my home therefore I have had no internet access. I have bought a new mobile internet dongle and using my old semi-working laptop to write this. I was absoloutely gutted as you would expect that someone could go into my home and steal my laptop which is one of the most important things to me, I use it for pretty much everything. Reported it to the police they came and took a statement and fingerprints but I don't hold much hope for it being returned. I'm going to have to buy a new laptop I think very soon.
College is going okay I guess, could be better though. I don't enjoy Sociology to be completely honest, I'm struggling with the Maths content in Chemistry but Human Biology is going alright I think. Its half term next week so I really want to try to do extra work on Chemistry to bring my maths up to scratch. I hope I manage to do this.
Last Thursday (15/10) I had another appointment at hospital with what was meant to be my current consultant for whatever reason I was seen by previous consultant. Not much happened as I was quite ill last week with a bad cold, asthma and a chest infection; my peak flow in clinic was rubbish (no spirometry this time) I was told that my Pulmicort nebs need to be increased in strength and that I should possibly have a CT scan to check for Bronchiectasis and I think he said other things like how much scarring there is in my lungs, I don't remember exact details as I wasn't feeling great. He also blamed my asthma being the way it is basically completely on my nut allergy which is a bit hmmm. Not sure what to make of that.
Yesterday, (20/10) I went to the House of Commons as part of Asthma UK Youth Forum, it was a good day :) but it did go very quickly and one of my friends was unable to make it because of uni and stupid asthma.
Umm can't think of anything else to write, I hope to update very soon next time.
Hope everyone is well.
Simi x
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Update
Whoop it is October! 2009 has gone amazingly fast! College is going well so far, I had a progress review today and from it I've decided I need to work on Maths for Chemistry and time management in general.
I was having pretty much having a good day until this afternoon, when I started feeling a bit rubbish asthma wise, my nebuliser itself wasn't functioning properly and my mum wasn't answering her phone so I couldn't ask her to bring a new mask and neb chamber kit to college. Anyway I tried to make do with my inhaler it wasn't really helping and to make things worse it had run out (I had only started it on Friday) I tried to get through Human Biology but in the end my classmates started making comments about my breathing and asking if I was OK which made me get kind of emotional and I started crying because I really didn't want to attract attention to myself, I left the lab and went to ring my mum again and I told her what happened and said she'd come up and take me home a bit earlier to take me to the GP (my GP is 5 minute walk away) so I did that. I had a couple of nebs through Oxygen as my Oxygen saturations had dropped a little bit but I felt much better and though still rather wheezy my GP agreed to let me go home as long as I neb frequently and promise to get help if things get worse, I have also been started on antibiotics as they thought that maybe a chest infection might be why I haven't been doing great lately, however I think it is down to a cold. I feel really embarrassed and a bit upset about what happened today; I have been quite happy at college so far, I've fitted in well I've made some good friends and I've got used to it, but now I'm worried that because of what happened it might change how people think of me.
I went to see my consultant on Thursday (01/10/09), not much happened; my results of an IgE blood test for allergy towards a range of nuts came back; I am allergic to basically all nuts, some which showed a severe allergy compared to other nuts. So I'm allergic to the following nuts: Peanut, Walnut, Hazel, Almond, Brazil and a couple of others which I can't remember! I did Spirometry, as expected it wasn't pleasant and I don't think it went well. I am supposed to see my consultant every 2 weeks but there was an error last time and it was delayed by 4 weeks so I've been told to contact my consultant's secretary if my appointment is rearranged like that again.
Can't think of anything else to write! Umm I will try to update soon.
Simi x
I was having pretty much having a good day until this afternoon, when I started feeling a bit rubbish asthma wise, my nebuliser itself wasn't functioning properly and my mum wasn't answering her phone so I couldn't ask her to bring a new mask and neb chamber kit to college. Anyway I tried to make do with my inhaler it wasn't really helping and to make things worse it had run out (I had only started it on Friday) I tried to get through Human Biology but in the end my classmates started making comments about my breathing and asking if I was OK which made me get kind of emotional and I started crying because I really didn't want to attract attention to myself, I left the lab and went to ring my mum again and I told her what happened and said she'd come up and take me home a bit earlier to take me to the GP (my GP is 5 minute walk away) so I did that. I had a couple of nebs through Oxygen as my Oxygen saturations had dropped a little bit but I felt much better and though still rather wheezy my GP agreed to let me go home as long as I neb frequently and promise to get help if things get worse, I have also been started on antibiotics as they thought that maybe a chest infection might be why I haven't been doing great lately, however I think it is down to a cold. I feel really embarrassed and a bit upset about what happened today; I have been quite happy at college so far, I've fitted in well I've made some good friends and I've got used to it, but now I'm worried that because of what happened it might change how people think of me.
I went to see my consultant on Thursday (01/10/09), not much happened; my results of an IgE blood test for allergy towards a range of nuts came back; I am allergic to basically all nuts, some which showed a severe allergy compared to other nuts. So I'm allergic to the following nuts: Peanut, Walnut, Hazel, Almond, Brazil and a couple of others which I can't remember! I did Spirometry, as expected it wasn't pleasant and I don't think it went well. I am supposed to see my consultant every 2 weeks but there was an error last time and it was delayed by 4 weeks so I've been told to contact my consultant's secretary if my appointment is rearranged like that again.
Can't think of anything else to write! Umm I will try to update soon.
Simi x
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